How not to get a bob

It's harder than you'd think

Look, I don’t want to get a bob ok? I’ve thought about it a lot, and I just don’t.

I know that’s a disappointment to you, and I’m sorry. I know you want me to cut all my hair off.  

You say you don’t, but I know you do really. I can see the silvery glint in your eye. I know that if I ever said the words “maybe a bob?” you would have me in a chair with a towel round my shoulders faster than I can google pictures of Fleabag’s sister. 

You want me to cut all my hair off in the same way I want you to cut all your hair off, because then we get to live the thrill vicariously with none of the regret. It’s a game of chicken. It’s the same reason we all encourage each other to get married in a bridal jumpsuit.     

But stupidly long hair has been part of my personal aesthetic for more than a decade now. Ever since I stopped bleaching it into submission and Mane ‘n’ Tail first arrived on my radar, the ketamine of the shampoo and conditioner world. Back in the early days, a horsey friend used to buy…